I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
