OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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