Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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