i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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