roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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