I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
