After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize