I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
