I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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