4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
