My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
