WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
