this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
