five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
