my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
