don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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