I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
