He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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