Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
