marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The maid of honor just puked.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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