Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
