I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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