btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
