if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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