Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
