Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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