I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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