Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
