I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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