whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't deserve a penis
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
