You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
