So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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