Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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