Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
