Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
