is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
