Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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