He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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