we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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