Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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