you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize