No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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