dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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