Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
