bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
