you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
