I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
