He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
