I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
