she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
