He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
