ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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