so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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