Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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