when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
