Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
