And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
