Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
