I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
