I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
