all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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