I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
