Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
