found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Couch. On fire.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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