My friends, they love my intelligence
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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