And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
