i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
