Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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