Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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