The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
