That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
