we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
